Re: 100 Men Rise For V-Day: Why Are Vaginas Important To You?

**Trigger Warning: Discussions of/links to domestic/sexualized violence, sexism, cissexism, etc**

So I was surfing the interwebs and came across a video that made me simultaneously spit out my beverage and resemble grumpy cat.

 The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPJ2gTUDTqU

To sum up this video:

lol! How do I feminism?

To sum up my reaction:

Again...

I can see what this campaign was trying to do, but they seriously missed the mark and instead threw more sexism onto the interwebs.

Issue #1: Not all women have vaginas, and not all people who have vaginas are women. (I believe the term is ciswashing).

Issue #2: The word they are looking for is "vulva" not "vagina". (The vagina is just the internal/canal part.  If you want to focus on sexuality of people with vulvas, maybe brush up on that cliteracy.).

Issue #3: HETERO NORMATIVE

Issue #4: Do we really need male support/approval before people with vulvas are allowed to embrace their sexuality? (The answer is nope).

Issue #5: Most of the listed reasons for vulvas being important have to do with what use they are to men (ie: birth/male pleasure/people who are important to men).

Issue #6: The video reduces people with vulvas to their sex organs in attempt to get people to stop perpetrating violence against them.

Not cool, bros. Not cool.

Yes, we all love a good joke about genitals (or at least I do) but we should all be doing more to help survivors of domestic and sexualized violence.  Yes, cismen do have a part in that but it extends much further than making vulva jokes and linking genitals to fabrics and breakfast foods.

Do it in the name of feminism & flannel
(Please don't actually look up this picture. Srsly ;_;)

It is great that more people want to get involved, and I can understand that it can become frustrating getting started when videos like this exist. Just where are you supposed to turn?

Fear not gentlebros, for I come bearing links!

For the men out there who want to help but just don't know how,
Here is a beginner's list on how to be a male ally in the fight against rape culture and domestic violence:
 1- Realize that you have male privilege (probably others as well) and that privilege has shaped your views and experiences.
 2- Educate yourself on rape culture, rape apologism, victim-blame/shame, etc.
 3- Admit that our society has a problem (quite a few actually).
 4- Realize that rape and domestic violence aren't only hetero crimes in which a man is the perpetrator and a woman is the victim.  Men can be victims, women can be rapists. People who fall outside the societal gender binary can be victims or perpetrators. 5- Don’t belittle or dismiss the experiences of other people. (Dat intersectionality)
 6- Realize that rape and assault are crimes of power, not passion.
 7- Rape jokes are harmful so speak up if/when you hear someone making a rape joke or blaming a victim.
 8- Don’t pass on sexts or support revenge porn.
 9- Respect the trauma triggers of others and use "Trigger Warnings" when necessary.
10-  Push for legal action to speed up the testing of rape kits.
11- Support local efforts that help victims/survivors (example: rape crisis centers)
12- Support local efforts that are working to combat rape culture (example: Slutwalk, Project Unbreakable, White Ribbon Campaign).
13- Believe people when they say that they have been victimized. Since rapists are considered "innocent until proven guilty," I am sure we can afford the same treatment to their victims. (From now on believe that a victim is telling the truth until it is proven otherwise).14- Don't support rapists- regardless if they are your friends or famous individuals.
15- Contact your local rape crisis center to find out how to better help the survivors you know.
16- Support the victim regardless of their gender, orientation, faith, cultural background, etc.
17- Realize that the police and court systems have a history of oppressing victims and minorities, so don’t expect that they will go to the police.
18- (This should go without saying) Don't abuse or rape anyone. Seek and promote enthusiastic consent within your sexual relationships.

Here is another list on how to help fight rape culture and gendered/relationship violence:

http://damsel-in-de-tech.blogspot.ca/2012/09/what-can-i-do-right-now-today-to-help.html
(^^^Damsel in de Tech is an amazing blog that is run by a friend of mine. I have been fortunate enough to have my writing be featured there before I had a running blog. The author is one of the most dedicated activists and awesome people I've ever met. Go check out her stuff and maybe you'll learn something or be amused).

I hope that in reading this you have learned something new, and I wish you the best luck in your quest to become a better ally.

Good for you. You are now one step closer to being a more tolerable human being.