Dear cisgendered people,
My name is Kira and I am an average person like you. I like lolcats and probably get a bit too much enjoyment out of playing Plants vs. Zombies. I have a rock collection and enjoy learning random facts for no reason what so ever.
Like you, I have hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, hobbies and goals.
Like you, I am so much more than my gender identity but it is what I am going to talk to you about today.
You see, I am an agendered person who falls on the spectrum of gender fluidity.
This means that the vast majority of the time I don’t identify as male or female, but sometimes I can feel like either or both.
My preferred pronouns are singular non-gendered they/them/their.
I've always known that I was not female but have only found the proper terms this year.
I have been mostly out of the gender closet for over 5 months now.
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| and I don't plan on going back |
I am writing this because we need to talk about your treatment of my gender identity.
I get it, sometimes you slip up, or have just met me and therefore don't know how I identify, but that is not what I am talking about.
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| Nope, not talking about that |
I am talking about those of you who INSIST on using female pronouns and calling me a woman because you have opinions about my gender.
I didn't choose to be agender and gender fluid/queer any more than I chose to be pansexual or have a multicultural background.
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| You mean people don't choose to be born mixed race or queer? |
I understand that many of you come from backgrounds that are socially conservative and thus ignorant of things like non-binary genders and non-heterosexual orientations.
You can't help your upbringing but you do have a choice in how you handle yourself today.
More exists outside of anyone's realm of knowledge, and just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't valid.
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| Really? Yes, really. |
None of us are the end all and be all of knowledge, but all of us get to define our own experiences.
By denying and disrespecting someone's gender identity you are pretending that you know that person better than they know themselves. In doing so you are attempting to rob them of their right to their own experience.
That is not okay.
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| How about no? |
Your opinions do not trump our identities and lived experiences.
Frankly, I've grown rather tired of a lot of things.
- I am tired of western society's belief that gender and sex is binary- it's not, and never was.
- I am tired of you thinking my gender fluidity cancels out my identity as an agender person.
- I am tired of you using the wrong pronouns to try and correct me- tired of this verbal harassment.
- I am tired of having to choose between being myself thus risking physical violence, and putting on a costume to be safe.
- I am tired of having that costume used as "proof" of my femaleness.
- I am tired of having my identity be treated as a betrayal of the female gender.
- I am tired of being told that my identity embarrasses you, and tired of having you enforce your idea of gender on me at family gatherings.
- I am tired of being told that I must choose between our friendship and my identity.
- I am tired of being viewed as being in the wrong for not accepting your verbal harassment.
- I am tired of that uncomfortable feeling and fear I get every time I have to use a gendered bathroom.
- I am tired of having to put on a costume if I want to be hired and have a job.
- I am tired of my identity being labelled as a mental illness by those of you who refuse to understand.
- I am tired of you gaslighting us with your bullying and denial, then using our reactions as "proof" of our supposed mental illnesses.
- I am tired of my gender identity being measured by what clothes I can afford and how passably masculine I can appear.
- I am tired of masculine being considered the default look for agendered people.
Mostly, I am tired of your chosen ignorance and am done being quiet about this.
Cisgender people, you have cisgender privilege and you need to come to terms with that.
Having cisgender privilege (or any other privilege) doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that your lived experiences have made you blind to a lot of the suffering people without your privileges face.
It means that you've won a genetic lottery and because of that your opinion is considered to be more valuable, even when talking about things like cisgender privilege.
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| Like this but with cis opinions. |
It means that you are more likely to be listened to and less likely to be physically harmed for existing.
It means that you can pretend that these issues aren't real and that minority groups are just being overly sensitive.
It also means that you should shut up and listen be aware of these things to avoid speaking for/over or silencing people who don't have your set of privileges.
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| More on cis opinions |
Agender, gender fluid/queer, and transgender people aren't harming anyone by simply existing, and yet we are subjected to our families disowning us, our friends abandoning us, unfair treatment, discrimination in school and at work, bullying, hate crimes, "corrective therapies", and so much more.
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| It's called social injustice |
This is 2013, yet we (along with many other minority groups) are still treated as second and third class citizens.
This needs to change.
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| Here is a good example of what won't help^ |
Please understand that while many of us will attempt to educate you, it is in no way our jobs.
None of us are perfect and none of us represent or can speak for queer people as a whole.
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| Don't be this guy^ |
Ultimately it is your job to educate yourself on these matters.
(Seriously, you obviously have an Internet connection and resources on the interwebs exist).
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| Quickly, to the internet! |
For those who do wish to learn and join the 21st century, here are a few links to help you begin your educational journey:
There are so many more links available if you look.
For those who don't wish to learn/will continue to perpetuate ignorance: You are part of the problem, and I pity you.
For everyone else who might not fit into a gender box: continue to be fabulous.
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| The box, like the cake, is a lie. |
Gender is something that is between your ears, not your legs.
