The Real Space Wizard

Monday 3 February 2014

RE: Let's Play "Add A Penis!"

**Trigger Warning: discussions of transphobia and cissexism**

So this image has been circulating around facebook for a while and it is time I wrote something on it.

.

So, what do you get when you take a woman and add a penis?
No, you don't get a pay increase or new job opportunities, you get a transwoman.
This is because gender is something that is between your ears, not your legs.
The assertion that transwomen are somehow less "womanly" than ciswomen because their anatomy is different is transphobic and cissexist. Contrary to what this image suggests, transwomen do face discrimination in the workplace, and do not get paid more because of their genitalia.

I originally saw this image as a repost from the facebook page: "One Million Vaginas" (no irony there I suppose).
I commented on the image, pointing out how it's cissexism furthered the glaring lack of intersectionality of which feminism has had a long standing history. My comments were swiftly deleted and I was banned from commenting again.
I then took to twitter and tried to call them out on this blatant cissexism, but that too was ignored.

I get it, as feminists we want to shed light on important issues like the wage gap and reproductive injustices, but we do not achieve this by metaphorically throwing transfolks and other minorities under the bus.

Any time we address a crowd as "men and women" we are actively erasing the experiences of people who (like myself) are genderqueer or intersex or who otherwise do not fit into the gender binary we are promoting.
Any time we say "women's reproductive healthcare" instead of "reproductive healthcare" we ignore the many transmen and non-binary folk out there who also have a uterus and have to deal with the same reproductive issues ciswomen do. By doing this we also alienate transwomen, since "women's reproductive health" rarely includes mention of things like prostate exams, hormones, or any of the other things transwomen need.
Any time we try to promote "women's rights" while only promoting the rights of cisgender women, or in the process trash the rights of transwomen, we are supporting cissexism and repackaging misogyny.
(I am looking at you radfems).

The subtle and not so subtle microagressions add up and make it difficult for people to identify as feminists.

While white cisgender feminists might have the best of intentions, they need to wake up and realize that their suffering is not the only suffering that counts, and that they cannot fix their problems by continuing to dismiss the suffering of others.
It's time to work on that intersectionality.

Wednesday 23 October 2013

Re: 100 Men Rise For V-Day: Why Are Vaginas Important To You?

**Trigger Warning: Discussions of/links to domestic/sexualized violence, sexism, cissexism, etc**

So I was surfing the interwebs and came across a video that made me simultaneously spit out my beverage and resemble grumpy cat.

The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPJ2gTUDTqU

To sum up this video:

lol! How do I feminism?

To sum up my reaction:

Again...

I can see what this campaign was trying to do, but they seriously missed the mark and instead threw more sexism onto the interwebs.

Issue #1: Not all women have vaginas, and not all people who have vaginas are women. (I believe the term is ciswashing).

Issue #2: The word they are looking for is "vulva" not "vagina". (The vagina is just the internal/canal part. If you want to focus on sexuality of people with vulvas, maybe brush up on that cliteracy.).

Issue #3: HETERO NORMATIVE

Issue #4: Do we really need male support/approval before people with vulvas are allowed to embrace their sexuality? (The answer is nope).

Issue #5: Most of the listed reasons for vulvas being important have to do with what use they are to men (ie: birth/male pleasure/people who are important to men).

Issue #6: The video reduces people with vulvas to their sex organs in attempt to get people to stop perpetrating violence against them.

Not cool, bros. Not cool.

Yes, we all love a good joke about genitals (or at least I do) but we should all be doing more to help survivors of domestic and sexualized violence. Yes, cismen do have a part in that but it extends much further than making vulva jokes and linking genitals to fabrics and breakfast foods.

Do it in the name of feminism & flannel
(Please don't actually look up this picture. Srsly ;_;)

It is great that more people want to get involved, and I can understand that it can become frustrating getting started when videos like this exist. Just where are you supposed to turn?

Fear not gentlebros, for I come bearing links!

For the men out there who want to help but just don't know how,
Here is a beginner's list on how to be a male ally in the fight against rape culture and domestic violence:
1- Realize that you have male privilege (probably others as well) and that privilege has shaped your views and experiences.
2- Educate yourself on rape culture, rape apologism, victim-blame/shame, etc.
3- Admit that our society has a problem (quite a few actually).
4- Realize that rape and domestic violence aren't only hetero crimes in which a man is the perpetrator and a woman is the victim. Men can be victims, women can be rapists. People who fall outside the societal gender binary can be victims or perpetrators. 5- Don’t belittle or dismiss the experiences of other people. (Dat intersectionality)
6- Realize that rape and assault are crimes of power, not passion.
7- Rape jokes are harmful so speak up if/when you hear someone making a rape joke or blaming a victim.
8- Don’t pass on sexts or support revenge porn.
9- Respect the trauma triggers of others and use "Trigger Warnings" when necessary.
10- Push for legal action to speed up the testing of rape kits.
11- Support local efforts that help victims/survivors (example: rape crisis centers)
12- Support local efforts that are working to combat rape culture (example: Slutwalk, Project Unbreakable, White Ribbon Campaign).
13- Believe people when they say that they have been victimized. Since rapists are considered "innocent until proven guilty," I am sure we can afford the same treatment to their victims. (From now on believe that a victim is telling the truth until it is proven otherwise).14- Don't support rapists- regardless if they are your friends or famous individuals.
15- Contact your local rape crisis center to find out how to better help the survivors you know.
16- Support the victim regardless of their gender, orientation, faith, cultural background, etc.
17- Realize that the police and court systems have a history of oppressing victims and minorities, so don’t expect that they will go to the police.
18- (This should go without saying) Don't abuse or rape anyone. Seek and promote enthusiastic consent within your sexual relationships.

Here is another list on how to help fight rape culture and gendered/relationship violence:

http://damsel-in-de-tech.blogspot.ca/2012/09/what-can-i-do-right-now-today-to-help.html
(^^^Damsel in de Tech is an amazing blog that is run by a friend of mine. I have been fortunate enough to have my writing be featured there before I had a running blog. The author is one of the most dedicated activists and awesome people I've ever met. Go check out her stuff and maybe you'll learn something or be amused).

I hope that in reading this you have learned something new, and I wish you the best luck in your quest to become a better ally.

Good for you. You are now one step closer to being a more tolerable human being.

Sunday 20 October 2013

Dear Cisgender People ~ Let's Talk Gender.

Dear cisgendered people,

My name is Kira and I am an average person like you. I like lolcats and probably get a bit too much enjoyment out of playing Plants vs. Zombies. I have a rock collection and enjoy learning random facts for no reason what so ever.

Like you, I have hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, hobbies and goals.

Like you, I am so much more than my gender identity but it is what I am going to talk to you about today.

You see, I am an agendered person who falls on the spectrum of gender fluidity.

This means that the vast majority of the time I don’t identify as male or female, but sometimes I can feel like either or both.

My preferred pronouns are singular non-gendered they/them/their.

I've always known that I was not female but have only found the proper terms this year.

I have been mostly out of the gender closet for over 5 months now.

and I don't plan on going back

I am writing this because we need to talk about your treatment of my gender identity.

I get it, sometimes you slip up, or have just met me and therefore don't know how I identify, but that is not what I am talking about.

Nope, not talking about that

I am talking about those of you who INSIST on using female pronouns and calling me a woman because you have opinions about my gender.

I didn't choose to be agender and gender fluid/queer any more than I chose to be pansexual or have a multicultural background.

You mean people don't choose to be born mixed race or queer?

I understand that many of you come from backgrounds that are socially conservative and thus ignorant of things like non-binary genders and non-heterosexual orientations.

You can't help your upbringing but you do have a choice in how you handle yourself today.
More exists outside of anyone's realm of knowledge, and just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't valid.

Really? Yes, really.

None of us are the end all and be all of knowledge, but all of us get to define our own experiences.

By denying and disrespecting someone's gender identity you are pretending that you know that person better than they know themselves. In doing so you are attempting to rob them of their right to their own experience.

That is not okay.

How about no?

Your opinions do not trump our identities and lived experiences.

Frankly, I've grown rather tired of a lot of things.

I am tired of western society's belief that gender and sex is binary- it's not, and never was.
I am tired of you thinking my gender fluidity cancels out my identity as an agender person.
I am tired of you using the wrong pronouns to try and correct me- tired of this verbal harassment.
I am tired of having to choose between being myself thus risking physical violence, and putting on a costume to be safe.
I am tired of having that costume used as "proof" of my femaleness.
I am tired of having my identity be treated as a betrayal of the female gender.
I am tired of being told that my identity embarrasses you, and tired of having you enforce your idea of gender on me at family gatherings.
I am tired of being told that I must choose between our friendship and my identity.
I am tired of being viewed as being in the wrong for not accepting your verbal harassment.
I am tired of that uncomfortable feeling and fear I get every time I have to use a gendered bathroom.
I am tired of having to put on a costume if I want to be hired and have a job.
I am tired of my identity being labelled as a mental illness by those of you who refuse to understand.
I am tired of you gaslighting us with your bullying and denial, then using our reactions as "proof" of our supposed mental illnesses.
I am tired of my gender identity being measured by what clothes I can afford and how passably masculine I can appear.
I am tired of masculine being considered the default look for agendered people.

Mostly, I am tired of your chosen ignorance and am done being quiet about this.

Cisgender people, you have cisgender privilege and you need to come to terms with that.
Having cisgender privilege (or any other privilege) doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that your lived experiences have made you blind to a lot of the suffering people without your privileges face.

It means that you've won a genetic lottery and because of that your opinion is considered to be more valuable, even when talking about things like cisgender privilege.

Like this but with cis opinions.

It means that you are more likely to be listened to and less likely to be physically harmed for existing.

It means that you can pretend that these issues aren't real and that minority groups are just being overly sensitive.

It also means that you should ~~shut up and listen~~ be aware of these things to avoid speaking for/over or silencing people who don't have your set of privileges.